Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
The books aren't affecting me whatsoever anymore, and I've achieved measure.
As his hands move up, and it's almost like he's trying to count, but he has mitten hands, so.
Like it's counting, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 0, 1, 1, and then, uh, he pops out of existence.
Yeah, okay. Seth, Keth, it's time to go. Meesex has gone.
All right, Grandpa Big Dog, do we gotta clean up anything here?
No, these people won't understand what just happened.
Where, where did he go?
Back, back home.
Back home.
Are you guys going to go back home now?
Yep.
I think your key strength saved the day.
It does more times than you can imagine.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, we're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your
dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me, I play Moot.
And Karla Maxted.
That is me, I play Glim.
And Amy More.
That's one of the names I go by and I play Sullivan Sleight.
What other names do you go by, Amy?
Wouldn't you like to know, Tom?
My immediate thing I wanted to say was Princess Peach.
Oh, okay.
That's like immediately what popped into my head, which I have never called you,
but I like it.
I consider myself more of a Rosalina, but I do like the sentiment in there.
Yeah, that's nice.
Where we go by different names is over on Patreon, because we play different games
over there, different names, different games, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and when
you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Brad from Fate of Eason podcast.
Thank you, Brad.
Thanks, Brad.
The Fate of Eason podcast is very good, you should go check them out too.
And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
We pick up with Mook, Glim and Sully.
You tell me how long after, but you're at not a library.
I think we leave immediately.
I think so too.
I think Glim tries to say what the situation was and we're like,
and she's like, it doesn't matter.
Oh, from the previous scene?
Oh, no, you're at not a library.
Yeah, you said, tell me how long you...
I mean, is it days later?
Yeah, how long?
Where do we want to pick this scene up?
We did not get paid for all of our hard work.
Yeah, he just vanished before he paid us.
Dang, mofo.
And everything from the house was probably gone.
It was probably just books, so we can't even, like, loot something.
We try to resell them back to not a library and they're like, read the name.
We're not a library.
So the money we have is whatever we had left from whatever you guys earned.
So I don't know how long that gets us.
I did not get a lot of money for listing a hundred different dirty jobs.
I think I got 50 gold, so we're probably doing OK for the time being.
I don't know, those potatoes were very expensive.
You're sitting around a table and Mon comes over and he's like,
uh, so how's, uh, I don't remember his voice, but how's the job on going?
Well, frankly, I mean, I don't think we're settling down here very much.
Oh, right, shouldn't we, should we find a caravan and get out of here?
Well, we have to keep going east, right, Glim?
Yeah, we've got to keep going.
I mean, if you guys are ready to keep heading towards our destiny, then.
Yeah, I'm not too, I'm not too keen on sticking around doing really fucking weird odd jobs.
Also, and no offense, Mon, because the potatoes were delicious.
Sorry, the potatoes were delicious, but, um, the price point here is quite expensive.
So we just can't afford to really like stick around here very long.
It's more of a luxury accommodation.
I was actually going to bring that up.
Um, I talked to some people, did some market research, realized my price point,
priced us out of most people's budgets.
Uh, I mean, you three had to take up.
Almost killed a man.
Sure, I had to poison him.
He wanted me to, but I had to do it.
It was still an extreme circumstance to pay for some potatoes.
Oh, okay.
Point made.
And he reaches into his pocket and he pulls out and he's counting out.
So here's, here's back six gold.
I've covered your, uh, your, your expenses over at definitely an inn
and also anything you've eaten here, uh, for the remainder and realized
and made appropriate adjustments on these new menus that we've, uh, put in.
See, look here, magic missile potatoes.
We've changed the name even.
Oh, you went with it.
Thank you.
Yes.
Uh, it changed the price point here.
See, just a, just a couple of coppers, uh, not seven gold for all of the things
more reasonably priced.
I think.
Well, I understand, you know, everyone's getting back up on the feet over here
and that includes you, but people's got to eat.
You know, I don't know if you caught this, but I'm, I'm new in this business.
I mean, ferret, he's been in, he's been cooking a long time
and didn't really second guess what I was putting on the menu,
but a little guidance is sometimes necessary for, uh, for business folks such as myself.
And I think I've got it, uh, being that I was, uh,
so aggressively approached after I gave somebody a bill
and they said they would burn, burn down, not a library
for the exorbitant prices that I put on their bill.
So that made me the second guess and look and see what, uh,
what, uh, what other restaurants are charging.
And it was far less.
It's like I'd never been to a restaurant or tavern or in before, ever.
Have you?
Wait, were we your first customers?
Um, among them, yes.
That whole first night that you were here was kind of dry run.
Uh, you know, open it up to like a soft launch.
Yeah. Open it up to a few public.
You just happened by, uh, we were going to ask you to leave because it wasn't,
but you know, uh, you, you, you don't turn away good,
a good business and good, uh, good suggestions is,
which is what you brought to the table.
Well, it's very kind of you, Mon, to thank you.
I'm glad to know we can probably have at least one more meal here.
Of course, of course.
We have to go.
We can afford one more, you guys.
Shall I bring another round of magic missile potatoes?
I don't know if I can do any more potatoes.
We made the portion sizes smaller.
Well, no, but one more round.
Maybe we could just do one for the table like last time,
even with the smaller portion.
We'll do coming right up.
And he zips back into the kitchen.
Yeah, guys, I don't think, I think this should be our last night.
We should find a caravan heading east and we should just continue on.
I think so too.
Unless, I mean, seems like it's been,
I was going to say successful, but that is not really accurate.
I mean, Moot, for you, it was.
Yeah, I learned a new thing.
Yes. So that's, that's worth something.
I mean, that wise master Mesix really,
I mean, he really stepped up for me before vanishing unexplosively.
Yeah, I'm glad I'm now twice published, almost kind of one in a menu and the other one.
And hopefully what will become a book that I will get some royalties off of.
Yeah, it's been, you're right.
This place has been, are you sure you two don't want to say
it's been very successful for the two of you?
Published author, extra good magic user.
But I mean, staying here doesn't get us any closer to, you know,
saving the world with you.
We do not get us any closer to saving the world.
I mean, and really, I don't know that El Tirol did much for me personally,
but I am fulfilled that it fulfilled my friend.
So we can stay longer if you want,
or I'd be happy to find a caravan and start heading east.
This is probably the longest time I've ever willfully stayed in a place,
so I think I'm ready to go.
Okay.
Yeah, me too.
Mon comes back with the potatoes and he...
With the what?
With the magic missile potatoes.
I think there should still be an exclamation mark.
You can't forget your roots, right?
Magic missile potatoes!
And he says, okay, so you will enjoy the potatoes,
and then where are you headed next?
Where's the next stop in your journey?
Well, we're gonna head east.
Yeah, east is a very large place.
Do you have like a stopping point?
Well, I mean, an eventual goal, but it's very far away.
So I think, you know, we'll probably,
and I'm looking at my friends,
like find a caravan and see where that takes us
and just keep heading in the right direction
and getting stronger as people and as friends as we keep going.
Yes, good, good.
Are there any good towns to stop on
as we head in our eastward direction?
Oh, fuck, probably.
It says, I mean, I know we've talked about it before,
but where was your end goal?
I mean, I want to send you in the right direction.
Well, we're going to Temanthor.
Right, yes.
I have a destiny to save the world
and my friends here are part of the destiny as well.
I'm sure I've probably mentioned this to you before.
So eventually we're trying to get to the capital, but.
Well, that far east, you could take a couple ways.
You could, well, probably the quickest way
is to cut through the storm horns,
which are a series of mountains,
mountain ranges past the sunset mountains.
The next stop you might want to make
is getting you back on the main tradeway,
which would be Scornuble,
which you could then take the river down
and would catch you back onto the road
that would get you up and through the storm horns,
which would take you on the right side of,
well, the Sea of Fallen Stars.
You caught that?
I mean, I heard Scornuble,
but mostly I just picked up on that
because it is, I think we can all agree,
objectively a hilarious word.
Oh, yes.
Scornuble?
Scornuble.
Yes, it's the next town over.
Very next one to the east.
Do they have like t-shirts that say like,
lost my scruples in Scornuble?
Maybe.
Is that a reference that I should understand?
You know, your scruples, your,
you know, all the bits and pieces in your mind,
makes your right decisions.
Right.
I don't know.
It's okay.
I bet when I say that there,
I think, Sully, I think it's good.
I think it's more of your marketing genius
is really coming out.
Thanks.
I'll market it when I'm over there
to see kind of what people think.
Of course.
Perfect.
Moot just kind of makes the hand
going over the head motion like,
nope.
Well, I bid you adieu and wish you best.
If you're back through here again,
please stop in to Noddle Library
and I will make sure that all the potatoes
that we have that day,
excuse me,
potatoes that we have that day,
are covered for you.
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Mara.
So is it, like, midday,
was this our lunch stop
or our nighttime dinner stop?
You tell me.
I say lunch stop.
It could be lunch
and we can hit the road.
All right.
To Scrumople.
Yep.
Scrumopoly.
You head out into the streets.
What's your game plan here?
What are you looking for?
What are you doing?
Well, let's go back to that message board
because I bet they're, like,
caravan leaving.
Need guards.
Seems like a reasonable place to start.
I'm sure we'll find something there.
Yeah.
You walk through the streets of El Toro
and during the day now,
you've previously primarily been out
in the evening.
I don't know how many days
you've been there entirely,
but it's quite busy.
People are about doing business.
You walk through
towards where the job board was
and you look and you see
a large statue that you didn't see,
not because it wasn't there,
but because you weren't
quite paying attention.
But you see a large statue
of a dwarven figure
in the center of this open area,
this open market area.
Is there a placard
with information on it?
I was just wondering.
For those interested,
you walk over to the placard
and it says on it,
Flint Firebeard died here
and then arrived here.
X marks the spot, y'all.
I had like a little panic attack.
Yeah, me too.
Like what?
Oh my God.
What, Russ?
What a terrible Easter egg.
Oh, never mind.
He did die here and then rise here.
Was that...
That was around the table.
That was table.
That was tabletop.
So many years ago,
we were just young, innocent D&D players,
not knowing we had so many years ahead of us.
To finish that campaign.
I forget who Flint was fighting,
but yeah, it was like a one-on-one duel
and he got a mowed down real fast.
Yeah.
We were like, oh wow,
this is our second time playing
and one of us has died already.
That's how it was supposed to work out.
Look at where you are now.
Look at us now.
It goes on to describe the fact that he
and his cohorts drove off a dragon
who was attacking Yalturo
and took on one of the heads of the Cult of the Dragon
and perished at the blade of that head
to be brought back by the town's clerics, thankfully,
and go on and be pivotal in saving Faerun.
It seems like a pretty important guy.
I wonder if he knew he had a destiny to save the world.
Do you think this statue is to scale?
Huh.
And I kind of stand back and look at it
and I assume it's very large.
It's large, yes.
Well, I mean, he's bigger than any dwarf I've ever seen,
but I haven't met the man.
Maybe he's a giant dwarf?
Oh, I like the sound of that.
You make it to the job board
and you peruse through
and you see there are a couple caravans heading out.
They don't say exactly where,
but they say to meet town center on this day.
Right now at this time?
Right now near this time.
Oh, wow.
How fortuitous.
You head to town center
and you see that there are several caravans,
one with a female human
who appears to be calling orders
at the others who are working for her or with her,
and another where a very regal man is seated high
on top of a caravan wagon
and just kind of pointing down silently
to the people loading up his wagon.
Okay, I say we find out where they're going
before we make any decisions,
but right away I don't want to go with snooty mixed snooty pants.
I'd rather go with the loud woman.
You know, I was thinking the exact same thing,
but you're right.
You make a very good point.
We should find out where they're going
before we decide.
Should we split up to go talk to them
or let's just go together?
Let's just all go together.
Sure.
What do you think?
Sure, let's just, yeah.
You want to start with the worst one?
I mean, do you want to start with the fancy man?
Sure, let's start with Mr. Fancy Pants.
Okay.
You walk over
and he doesn't really pay much attention to you
as you walk up to the caravan.
I disagree.
I have a noble background
and noble people recognize that I am one of their own
and they speak to me very respectfully, actually.
No one said he was noble.
Oh, he's just fancy.
He's just Fancy Pants.
Oh, I'm dislike him even more now.
Excuse me?
Where are you and your caravan going?
He looks down his nose to you and says,
who wants to know?
The name's Moot.
What's your name?
Victor.
All right, Vic.
So where are you guys going?
Well, we are headed out towards
Burdusk.
Oh, I don't know where that one is.
Is that east or north or south?
Well, we must travel east through Skornubel
and then travel south towards the Burdusk,
transfer to a ship of sorts
and travel down the river.
Yeah, what's your haul in here?
I'm in the textile business.
Like linens?
Fabrics, linens, clothing.
Damn, son, you're a linenary.
Not specifically a linenary.
Oh, are we talking all the way up?
Lineology?
The chemicals and mechanics of the creation of the linens?
Is there something obscure with your friend, Moot?
Uh, no, that's pretty standard.
All right.
You're looking to hire some folks
we saw on the bulletin board.
Right, yes.
Of course, I am looking to hire somebody.
What is your experience on the road?
Oh, well, we've been part of several caravans.
Each one of those caravans got to their destination.
So that must say something.
In one piece, at one point I even befriended an elemental.
You befriended an elemental
whilst on didn't strike it down to protect your caravan?
No, man, I juggled and then waved at it and it ran off.
It sounds like you perhaps are not
the people that I am looking for,
but name your price and we shall see.
Okay, well, maybe.
Maybe you're not the caravan we're looking for.
I storm away.
We were going to go check in with this other caravan first,
but we'll come back and we'll let you know.
Joy of joys.
Maybe.
Guys, I don't think we're going to let him know.
Guys, he was even worse than I thought he was going to be.
God, if this girl's going west, I'm going to be so sad.
Me too.
We go over to the rad shouting human woman.
Yeah.
As you walk up, she's saying,
yeah, yeah, Arlo, just put that up over there
and then we'll get going here as quick as possible.
Maybe some other people will join us.
She turns around and you three are standing right behind us.
Whoa.
Where'd you come from?
Oh, just just over there.
We were talking to that other guy.
Oh, we didn't like him much.
Yeah, Victor's kind of a tool.
Yeah, he's a little bit of a tool.
Yeah.
Hey, what direction you going in?
Well, we're going at least to Skornubel.
And we'll see where we get jobs from there.
Well, I'm like, whatever you need.
I think I think I can say for our friends here
that we're here for you now.
OK, now look, usually there's like an interview process.
I got to get names.
I got to get backgrounds.
I got to call references.
Sully.
Do you know Hillop?
Moot.
Glim.
That dude's a tool.
You know Hillop.
Well, we guarded his caravan.
Oh.
And we managed not to kill him.
Yeah.
That is a.
I did shoot him in the arm.
Sully shot him.
I did.
Is that something that we're going to have to worry about?
Is you shooting?
I don't know.
Are you halfway as inept or as as hilloppy as Hillop is?
No.
Oh, then I think we're fine.
I think if you know Hillop, you know he probably had it coming.
I am aware of Hillop.
He's teaching Zumba now.
OK.
Great conversation.
So what are you what are you moving?
Well, we've got some spices and building materials to take over there.
A few casks and chests that are being requested to be transported by various
by a couple different businesses.
Nothing really out of the ordinary caravan stuff.
Yeah, just general.
Yeah, spices and ices.
I say yeah, just looking for a few extra hands.
You know, once we get to Scornuble, see where it goes from there.
And what are your day rates?
Well, you tell me what you
what you usually charge and we'll see where we can go from there.
Do we like huddle?
Yeah, would 10 gold each per day be overshooting the mark?
I have no idea.
Oh no, because remember to go with with circumference.
It was going to we agreed to 250.
We thought that was swell for like the trip.
So how far away is Scornuble?
Hold on.
I want to get my currency better than I have been doing.
The press has been very commerce driven these last couple episodes.
I'm not really sure.
I know it's freaking me out man.
It's been muttering about the proletariat a lot.
Something about taxes and inflation of gold.
Something about that.
Yeah, that was weird.
Well, it's only about a five day journey.
I could probably pay, you know, somewhere in the vicinity of a couple gold a day per guard.
How about this?
Couple gold a day for each of us, unless we have danger or fighting.
In which case, it's more.
Okay.
How calm?
Peaceful trip to gold each day.
Perfect.
Provide you food as well.
For every for every person, we have to slay in battle an extra gold.
Okay, for every person an extra gold.
Now, is that an extra gold per person or an extra gold to the person who slays the thing or person?
I'd be more comfortable if we weren't putting people's lives.
I did just assign a value to people's lives.
So that makes me a little bit uncomfortable.
Fair enough.
What if there is fighting?
It's double the rate.
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
For every day there is some sort of altercation.
Double the rate.
Seems fair.
And what's your name?
We should probably.
I know you said you don't have time to check references.
And somehow we talked about Hillop, but I didn't actually get your name.
Uh, my name is Estrid.
Estrid Gold.
Well, it's nice to meet you.
I'm Glim.
Nice to meet you, Glim.
Moot over here.
And Sully does a big bow.
And Sullivan slight.
Nice to meet you.
All three of you.
And welcome to Estrid's Caravan.
It's the middle.
Here we are in the middle.
The middle.
Welcome back to it.
How are you doing, everybody?
We hope you're doing well.
Things are a little bit totally bonkers in the world right now.
Totally bonkers.
I think that is a very good description, Carla.
Yeah.
And it's unsettling.
And I don't know about you guys, but I'm finding a lot of comfort
in like listening to tons of podcasts and like doing a lot of digital stuff
and creeping on our Discord so I can like have human interactions.
Totally.
Can you imagine what it would be like being kind of quarantined
back before the internet, before Netflix?
I'd like us all to just stop for a moment and realize.
Let's just really think about.
Pretty bad.
My VHS copy of Mallrats would have got quite the workout.
I was thinking even before then, but yes, yeah, way back.
But we have a lot to be grateful for in this time,
like all the wonderful people that we can meet on our online socials
to help create those social connections.
Absolutely.
A big thing, a big question that pops up all over the place is,
will this affect release schedules?
Will this affect anything like that?
We want you to know that we as Dumbgeons and Dragons
will be releasing still every Wednesday.
We've got episodes banked for the next several weeks
and continue to release because we record all separately anyways.
So social distancing and all that sort of stuff,
not a big deal for getting our show put together and put out.
So we are here for you to hopefully give you a little bit of respite
and a little bit of comedy and distraction.
And a little slice of your normal routine.
Yeah.
And if you find that you're having trouble finding people to talk about
who like kind of the same sort of thing.
Or people to talk to.
You don't need to talk about them.
That's more what I meant.
Because you're not really that kind of person.
You're the kind of person that wants to connect, not like.
I mean, like trash talk or anything.
That's thanks, guys.
That's more what I meant.
Talk two is we have an amazing community over on Discord,
which it's open to everybody.
Anybody and everybody.
We do mention it oftentimes with our Patreon.
There are some bonus things that come with Patreon.
But it's open to everybody.
Everybody who listens.
There's always a link down in the description
that you can go click on and come join us over in Discord.
And there's amazing people who are getting together
and playing games, meeting each other
and having just a great time forgetting about the crazy
for a bit, it seems, whenever they pop in there.
And sometimes I think that's just what we need is.
A place to post pictures of your pets and your food.
Totally, or food that you've baked or cooked.
Yeah, I do want to say because I feel like
if we weren't doing this,
I would have no idea what Discord was.
So Discord, because I'm an elder millennial.
Um, it's just like an either an app on your phone
or on your computer or whatever.
And it's like just chatting and posting pictures and stuff.
But it's like a not a closed community.
Remember the Yahoo chat rooms?
Exactly.
It's like a self-selected closed community.
So it's all just kind of like the best people.
So if you haven't checked it out and you're stuck at home,
check it out.
Like when you pop into a new Discord,
people say, hey, welcome.
Yeah, they do.
We do.
Yeah, I try and monitor it like every moment.
And every time I see someone new pop in there,
I try to make sure that they are welcomed and say,
you know, what you can check out.
And everybody else piles on after that
with just warm inviting hugs and handshakes
in an emoji fashion, because that's what you got to do.
But yes, please do.
If you're feeling like you need someone to talk with
or to come join us on Discord.
And just know that we're going to be here releasing episodes
all through this until everything settles down,
hopefully sooner than later.
But you never know.
So we'll be here for you and give you some laughs.
So thank you for being here with us.
And as always, if you are ever feeling super stressed
out or anxious or anything like that in these crazy times,
do seek help.
Do go talk to somebody.
There are tons of, depending on where you are
in this big wide world, there are tons of help lines
that you can call and people you can talk to.
But the most important part is when you're feeling alone
and isolated to reach out and to make sure
that you're taking care of your own mental health first.
Because we love you and we want you to be happy and healthy.
All that said, we will link some of those numbers
down in the bottom for the major countries
that we know that are listened to
and ways that you can find those if you need to.
So again, thank you.
Enjoy the rest of the episode.
Thank you. We love you.
Love you. Stay safe.
Wash your hands. Cover your cough.
All that.
We'll get you back to the episode
and we'll talk to you this time next week.
Bye everybody.
Can we help you load up?
Please do.
I start to grab the spices and stuff that are around.
Moving heavy things.
I start to sing the hit single in El Churro right now,
which is Down in the West,
favorite town of El Churro.
I fell in love with it.
Great Marty Robbins pull.
Churruly and girl.
I start crab clawing shit all over the place
into the back of this caravan.
How many times do you think Moot would,
during the course of loading up,
there's a fair amount of things to still load up,
would start and stop his mage hand.
Well, let's see here.
It lasts for one minute.
So he'd probably do it, I don't know,
three or four times at least.
All right.
We're going to say that.
We're going to say that it just fires, man.
Three to four times.
One of those times is going to be a magic surge.
So roll me percentile dice, please.
Oh, key dokey.
Come on, taller.
Is there one where it just makes him taller?
You know the way that spell works,
you will never be as tall,
even if you get taller,
you will never be as tall as you were before.
What if I got taller twice?
Could he surpass how tall he was?
You diminished by seven, right?
I can't remember.
I think it was seven.
But yeah, on odd numbers,
I think it was you get smaller,
on even numbers, you get taller.
So no way to get exactly as tall as you were.
78.
This is very exciting.
I like this random chance.
It's very exciting.
This is a story we're telling here.
78.
So you're loading up.
No, this is how this works.
You're loading up.
The two of you, Sully and Glim,
you see Moot just casting Mage Hand
all willy-nilly all over the place.
He's still fucking confident.
You know, you're loading boxes in,
you kind of turn around,
and then you hear just a pop.
Then you hear the sound of a sheep.
You turn around,
and where you thought you saw Moot,
you now see a sheep.
Oh, no.
Glim?
Oh, no.
Glim?
Does he have his gear on?
Like did it form to his body?
No, he's a sheep.
Everything gets sheeped into him.
Okay, so it just absorbs kind of like wild shape.
Oh, my God.
Is that Moot?
Oh, God.
Moot.
Sully has his barnyard animals mixed up.
Moot, are you?
Is that you?
I think he's trying to say Moot.
Can you nod if it's you?
You have the intelligence of a sheep, I think.
Which happened to be the most intelligent animal in the world.
Target, hit points, as long as the creature is limited
to do the actions it can perform by the nature of its new form,
and it can't speak, cast spells,
or take any other action that requires hand or speech.
I have some dried fruit.
In my bag, and I bring it out, and I feed it to Moot.
Oh, I kind of like him like this.
Well, it's not going to help us load the rest of the caravan,
but he is very soft.
Do you think he's going to wander away?
I don't know.
I don't know how sheepy he is,
and I'm trying to look in his eyes.
There's nothing there.
It's like he's got those weird sheep eyes.
Nothing going on behind their eyes.
Roll insight or animal handling or something.
So Moot, your statistics, including mental ability scores,
are replaced by the chosen beast.
15.
Perfect.
You retain your alignment and personality, however.
So use that as you will.
So if you had thumbs, you'd be writing shit down right now.
You're not an evil sheep, I guess.
15.
18.
15 and 18.
And we're rolling for?
Animal handling?
Animal handling.
You spend some time with this sheep,
um, and Estrid comes over and says,
where did your friend go?
Uh, we looked down at sheep Moot.
By this point, like, you're sure,
but you're not sure.
Like, there's still question.
Like, the fact that he's just gone
and you know that some weird shit can happen with him,
you're pretty sure that this is probably Moot.
I think he accidentally turned himself into a sheep.
Well, how long is he going to be a sheep for?
Well, hopefully not long.
But if I'm being totally honest, I really don't.
Well, because I mean, he did make himself
shorter that one time and I think he was,
he's short or forever.
So I might be paying a sheep to guard.
Oh, no, you do not have to pay him.
As long as he's a sheep, you don't have to.
Although, if he does help in a battle as a sheep,
he does deserve the two gold.
Right.
But otherwise, no charge for the sheep.
And also, sorry, I know this seems really
unprofessional.
Okay, well, maybe load your sheep friend
into the wagon, unless you want
your new sheep friend to hold the wagon.
Oh, my God, can I ride him?
Glenn, please, can I ride him?
I don't.
Sheep are big.
Sully's a halfling.
I rode a goat one time.
I mean, I guess.
Come on, I rode that goat that one time.
I guess ask and then and then it doesn't seem,
I mean, just be nice about it.
Oh, no, totally.
Absolutely.
And I give him some more dried fruit.
I guess if Luke the sheep lets you ride him,
then you can ride move the sheep, right?
Yeah, okay.
I hop on his back.
What happens?
Just kind of lazily stroll forward.
Oh, he's let me do it.
Oh, this is great.
I'm so jealous.
I'm scratching you behind the ears.
I'm trying to be a good ride along companion.
Go for a ride along.
You hear Estrid call out.
She's like, all right, we're all loaded up.
Everybody on board.
All right, get a dog, little longie.
You get out of the city in a ways about an hour
from when you previously had seen Moot
and beneath you, you hear the same
and below you is Moot on all fours.
Oh, hey there.
Hey there, buddy.
Hey, Sully.
You can get off me now.
Okay, dismounting.
And I clamp her off of you and I help you up.
Thanks, you took me a long ways.
You must be real tired.
It's hard to keep track of time when you're a sheep.
How long were we going for?
An hour or so.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Did you have fun at least?
One of the best days of my life, man.
The dried fruit was really tasty.
So I appreciate that.
We were a little worried it would be like the shorter thing
and you might be a sheep forever.
I would have kept you though
and taken real good care of you.
I just want you to know that.
Of course we would have.
Oh, you guys are so sweet.
But yeah, I didn't know if I would not be a sheep
in the future.
And probably when you were a sheep,
you didn't even care if you were a sheep.
You were probably happy to be a sheep.
I was really just all about that dried fruit.
I feel like we should tell Estrid that you're back.
Fully functioning, bipedal.
And ready to be paid.
Ready for action.
Perfect.
Wait, was I not getting paid as a sheep?
Well, no, we didn't think it was very fair.
No, because you weren't contributing a lot.
But I gave Sully a ride.
I gave you dried fruit, man.
It seemed like a fair trade.
You know what?
Fair point.
You head up to the front of the caravan
where Estrid is seated atop.
I'm assuming you're going slowly
so you can just kind of jog up to the front there.
I know how caravans work.
Well, they're probably not speeding along at Brinkneck.
Yeah, it does seem like you'd want to save the horses.
Yeah, that's probably true.
Go at a reasonable pace.
Sure.
She looks down and says, oh, your friend's back.
Hey, Estrid.
Does that happen a lot, where you just start there
and then you're a sheep?
First time for that one.
Cool.
Didn't put that one on the old resume, did you?
I said it hadn't happened before.
Didn't know it was a thing.
Well, now you know.
We'll see how it goes.
All right.
Just keep a watch out.
Don't turn into a sheep again.
I'll let you know if I do.
Cool.
All right.
Interesting bunch.
You travel for a better part of a day and night.
And on the second day, you're passing by the road.
The road comes back to a bend in a river
and you're passing by.
Everybody's stopping.
Everybody stops and fills up their water skins
and carries back along the way.
And as you get back and further away from the river,
you see up ahead of you a group of people
in a caravan as well slowly coming down the road,
not really moving to either side to allow passage
as they get closer to you.
They're out of earshot currently,
but normally anybody else you pass gives way for each other.
You do the polite thing where you hug the shoulder a little bit,
they hug the shoulder a little bit.
And as you get close enough to see faces on them,
you see them nodding to each other
and nodding up to your group there.
And everybody make an insight check.
Eight.
Fifteen.
Eleven.
Moot and Glim, you are the first to kind of notice
a bit of vague hostility among the group
and in their gestures towards your group.
Estrid calls down says, anything wrong up there?
Nothing yet, but you know, just play it by ear.
Do you recognize them?
They seem, they don't seem to like us.
Well, no, I don't recognize any of them from a distance.
Let's kind of just scoot off to the side here
and see what happens, I guess.
Just be prepared, you might be earning double the wage today
if it goes sideways.
They move their caravan over
and proceed cautiously towards the group ahead of you.
What are the three of you doing?
I've got my, what is it?
I've got my, I'm walking with what looks like my hands
in my pockets, but I've got my daggers.
I'm gripping the handles and I'm just like
ready for action.
It's been a while since Sully's had a good brawl, so.
Okay, readied weapons, okay.
Yeah, I don't think like, so I would have my war pick
probably strapped to my back
and I'm not going to take it off my back
because that seems aggressive.
Sure, yeah.
But I am ready if I need to be.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, and Moot's got his feather necklace in his fist.
Just, you know, being ready in case anything happens.
Perfect.
The closer you get, you get within shouting distance
and they still make no call to you.
They do veer more towards your line of path, though.
So rude.
Really?
Rude.
Are we supposed to wait for Estrid to talk to them
since she's the caravan leader?
She's kind of calling and motioning
for her caravan to slow down.
She says, uh, come on back here, you three.
You want to earn double or should we just go talk to them,
talk them down here?
Because they seem like they want something.
Well, we could talk to them first to see.
Maybe they just all had a bad sleep or something.
That's right.
Let's use some diplomatics.
All right.
The three of you want to take that or you need hand coming down there
because I can certainly come talk to them.
Well, we can give it a try, right guys?
Oh, absolutely.
Maybe they need to hear about Bahamut.
Oh, that is a great idea, Moot.
Nothing picks me up.
Like the story of Bahamut.
Chatting about the bee man.
You are so right.
And I start just like striding very purposefully towards them.
Hello.
It is so great to see you.
I have great news to share with you.
You see two men seated up in the front there.
There's a couple down off to either side of this wagon
that's coming close to you.
You see one of them in the front,
move his hand back in between the curtains of the wagon
and he says, what you folks carrying?
Oh, just, you know, spices and casks and just normal caravan stuff.
What are you folks carrying?
Well, we just got off a job actually and just looking for our next one.
Oh, I thought it might be casks of grumpy juice
because they all seem a little bit out of sorts.
Yeah, that's just my face.
And a handsome face it is, my friend.
You know, a little ways back there,
there was someone who's traveling in this same direction.
Victor, I think.
Anyways, you might want to hit him up.
He was looking for some extra people.
Great, great.
You guys are headed to, at the very least,
Scornuble if you're headed this way, no?
I think that was, yeah, on the list.
Right.
I'm sorry, what's your name?
Leonard.
You're headed to El Tirol.
Well, we were headed back that way,
but well, I mean, if Victor's coming,
you find folks look like you have a job
that needs possible handing off.
We might just have found our next job.
Well, before we get to that,
can I tell you about a really great guy named Bahamut?
No, we don't want to hear about Bahamut.
I have some pamphlets.
Do you, I could teach,
or if you're more interested in sort of like
getting in touch with the Lord in a more physical way,
I could put on a little quick Zumba class for you guys,
or there's a lot of ways.
We do a daily Zumba class on this caravan.
Oh, you have not lived until you've Zumba'd
to the teachings of Bahamut.
Two crossbow bolts shoot out from inside the wagon.
One narrowly misses you, Glim,
the other flies back and towards the caravan
and sticks in the wood right near where Estrid is.
Why'd you go and fucking do that?
Oh, well, they're a bad shot,
but get in closer and we might have a better chance.
Oh, I'll get in closer.
I want to stab him.
So that's a no on the Bahamut then.
I'll get you guys later.
You're going to want to hear about it
before you go meet him.
Jesus, do people meet Bahamut when they die?
Maybe.
In Glim's world, probably.
Yeah.
Seemed threatening.
I liked it.
The fabric covering the wagon peels back.
There are two men with crossbows inside,
the two men down on the ground,
brandish pull longswords out from the wagon itself
and the two sitting up front draw daggers.
Roll for initiative.
Oh, fuck yeah.
So there are six of them.
Oh my God, I'm plus five initiative.
I love Silly so much.
18.
Watch, Carla's going to be like 27.
I got 20.
I'm sorry.
I don't have a good plus on this character.
Just a good roll.
14 for Mut.
Glim, you're up first.
Okay.
Have I ever fought as this character?
Maybe.
Yeah, you have.
There was a duel versus circumference.
Gross mud bats.
Oh yeah, the mud bats.
So I am going to pull.
How far away are they?
I guess we walked up a speaking distance.
Yeah, and they were still moving towards you.
So you were definitely within any sort of range
to reach any number of them.
You know, why not start with a bang?
And by a bang, I mean a stream of fire.
Perfect.
This is fun.
I feel like I've never even used my breath weapon.
Maybe I have.
So I am going to, yes, release my breath weapon,
which is fire.
So it's a five by 30 foot line.
So I'm going to aim that at the caravan
because I'd like to set the caravan on fire
because fuck these people.
Don't want to hear about Bahamut.
Yeah.
So kind of direction of the two in front,
who you were talking to.
Yeah.
Hitting the caravan.
So Dex saving throw.
12 and an 11.
So 11 does not beat, 12 does beat,
but they still will get half damage.
Also the two in the caravan with the crossbows
would probably be in that as well.
That's a 13 and a 10.
Okay.
So the 10 also fails.
So full damage is seven.
So two of them get seven damage
and then the other two get three, I guess, or four.
I don't know how we.
Perfect.
And then I also pull my war pick.
So I am ready.
As your breath, we're going to say that it goes
almost the full 30 feet right up this path
and explodes into the caravan.
They jump out, the four of them that are in the caravan,
jump out and down to the ground,
letting out screams as they're patting out fire
on their clothes.
The caravan, the wagon itself is set ablaze.
And if that's all, then it's Sully's turn.
Yay.
Sully sees Glim just fucking and he looks down at his daggers
and he's like, sheaths them and then from his pack
pulls out the scroll and is like, hold on a second
and then starts to.
Do I have to make up what the scroll says?
And just, just, and he starts to mumble the words on the scroll
and then takes the little vile that's attached to it
with a little bobble because it's from baubles and such
and like squeezes a little bit out and casts.
He has no idea, but he casts vitriolic sphere.
So how does this spell describe itself?
So it says it has one charge.
Um, one action rages 150 feet.
It's instantaneous.
I point at the location within range.
So I point in the center of.
It would have had some sort of somatic, you know,
do this at this point.
Probably a finger, but it's a point.
So I point as I mumble and a glowing one football
of emerald acid streaks there and explodes
in a 20 foot radius.
Okay.
Each creature in that area must make a dexterity saving throw.
I mean, that's everybody.
I'm glad I went first.
Cause this is way cooler than my higher breath
that I thought was so great.
Um, fire and it has no ideas.
1215, 1018 and 1019.
So like half save half don't.
Okay.
So on a failed save, the creature takes 10 D4 acid damage
and five D4 acid damage at the end of its next turn.
But on a successful save, the creature takes half
the initial damage and no damage.
So I've got two, four, six.
So many D4.
Eight, and then I'll roll two more.
Yep.
Roll away.
Know what I like about this?
If you were really in this situation
and you had this very powerful weapon,
you would totally.
Sure.
Why not?
When else are you going to use it?
You're not.
Exactly.
Yeah.
You're not waiting for a bigger fight later on.
This is a fight that's happening right now.
And it's a big fight.
When you've got a vitriolic sphere, everything looks like.
27.
Target?
That's full damage.
Yeah.
Okay.
Um, so.
And so he has no clue.
He's just, he stole it.
Finger points.
Emerald Sphere shoots out from his hand as he's busy like trying to read this
as he's like pointing, not really paying attention.
Hits the caravan wagon and explodes.
And you see acid shoot up and out.
Fortunately, none of your friends had rushed over there yet.
And strike each of the six men.
Three of them, well, all of them let out cries of pain as you see their skin
begin to bubble and their clothes begin to melt away.
Three of them, from your point of view, at the very least go unconscious,
if not die in front of you.
The other three, like are trying to peel it off of them,
trying to wipe off this acid as they run into the fields beside and away from you.
Sully looks at the scroll, looks at his finger,
rolls the scroll back up slowly and puts it in his bag and then whistles the
down in the west bay room town of El Toro.
And Moot, who had taken like two steps towards their caravan,
just like stops cold and turns around real slow.
Like, I think everyone stops and turns around and looks real slow.
You look back and you see Estrid and she's reaching into her pocket
and just starts counting out gold bill.
Don't know if I'm going to have enough for that one,
but we'll see when we get there.
OK, everybody.
The intro and extra music long road ahead is by Kavin McLeod of the Competech.Filmmusic.io.
All other music, sound effects and ambience can be found at EpidemicSound.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers Christian Brown,
Creighton's Raven, Devin Michaels, Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden,
Joshua Dixon, Cat Waterflame, and Skull King 20.
To become a patron, visit Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast,
where you get exclusive content, including an entire exclusive campaign,
Dumbgeons downtime episodes, early access to our new show Facing Fate,
as well as a whole slew of other amazing bonus exclusive content.
Visit Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast to check it out today.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.